Psycho Analyze Me
by anti-hopeful369
Summary: A lil something that i screwed up


Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion in any way. (That little dot….yeah that's called a period you morons)

Starts the night of Shinji's first day piloting Unit 1

Psycho Analyze Me

Shinji sees himself piloting Unit 1 just like earlier, but this time it's different. His Evangelion Unit 1 is acting like an acrobatic or Ranma from the 50 year old anime shows that he occasionally watched. All of a sudden there was a flash; a fragment of memory, then another, and another.

'I know it! I've seen it all before! All of it! The Evangelion! NERV! All of It! Mother! Father!'

Shinji's heartbeat increased rapidly and even more rapidly till it was all he could hear. He broke out in a cold sweat and shivers went up his spine and burned when it traveled back down. Then his heart stopped…

"inji?...Shinji?...Shinji are you awake?"

Shinji got up and rubbed his eyes.

"Ya whatever I'm awake. Just one problem here….I'm not Shinji, my name is Shouji; and who the fuck do you think you are waking me up at…"

Shinji or rather Shouji looked at the clock

"1:57 IN THE MORNING!"

"Goddamn it… Who the fuck are you, what the fuck am I doing here, where are my pants and why the fuck am I in a hospital!"

"It's me Misato... Misato - the one who picked you up only about eight hours ago? Ringing any bells, besides you should be thankful I decided to check up on you! I should have just left you there! And here are your pants!"

She threw his pants at his face which he easily blocked and whipped around the pant leg so that it smacked her ass as she turned around.

"Why you little freak!"

"You know you like it"

"I'll kill you!"

"SECURITY! HELP THERE IS A CRAZY DRUNKEN MANIAC TRYING TO KILL ME!"

Two burly men in white uniforms tackled Misato from behind and dragged her away, but just before they left the room, he could see one of them pull out a syringe and a bottle of insert dangerous anesthetic here. Shouji looked at a nurse who had just come into the room with a tray of food.

"Excuse me nurse?"

"Yes?"

"Could you come here for a second?"

The nurse walks over, swaying her hips as she does so.

"Excuse me but what is the date today?"

"I believe its June 26."

"Thank you."

Fast Forward 34 minutes 27 seconds

Shouji pulled out of the nurse who lay gasping for air while her hands gripped the metal railing at the foot of his bed. Mixed cum gushed out of her opening as he exited her.

'Ehh, she was good enough for a beginner'

Shouji got up and picked up the large plastic bag containing his clothes and walked over to the bathroom to change. When he was finished he looked over at the hospital bed to see that the nurse had fallen asleep. He lifted her from the railing and laid her on the bed and covered her with the thin blanket.

Shouji walked down the hospital hallway which was strangely devoid of humans, with a slight ringing noise in his ear. Soon it grew louder and louder t the point that it would drive a normal person crazy.

'God damnit! What the fuck is that noi-'

Pain erupted from Shouji's chest and his heart gained speed. He dropped to one knee, clutching at his chest as if to reach in and quell the pain in his chest. Soon it began pounding as if it were trying to break through his ribs. Shouji's mind went blank and he collapsed onto the floor. Then a flash of a person showed into his mind. She had blue hair and a small delicate body. Another flash showed her in the cockpit of Unit – 00. Then words…words came to his mind and burned into his memory. Shamshel…As if he were watching a slideshow, pictures were placed in front of him. The entire battle that was to happen, from start to finish.

'It….it looks like a squid…..with two tentacles…weak from ….ches t…point …..red …t -hingy…'

Shinji awoke, lying on the marble floor of a hospital. He picked himself up and brushed himself off.

'Oh my head'

Shinji walked down the hallway alone. He was beginning to get scared.

'Where am I? Oh right a hospital… duh…Where is everybody? Oh no! What if zombies came and ate every one!'

Just then a familiar voice called out to him

"Shinjiiiii! Der youar! Ive bin lukin everrrry wer for u"

"Misato! What happened to you?"

"Iz alrite jusn novocain ovrdose. Nuthn te wry bout. Now lez go"

"Wait, isn't a novocaine overdose bad for you? And how are you able to walk….or breathe…or do…well anything?"

Despite Shinji's efforts at telling her to see one of the doctors she walked all the way to her car. Of course Shinji followed her, he couldn't let her walk outside like that, she could get hit by a car or worse. Meanwhile two hospital gaurds were watching them walk away.

"Do you think we should have done something? Maybe stop them or at least see if she was okay?"

"I don't get paid enough to do anything at all besides help the cafeteria get rid of excess food."

"How does the cafeteria get excess food?"

"Most patients end up dying and they don't get any food so, I take it"

"You're fat….and stop hogging all the food"

"well stop hogging all the ugly!"

Fast forward-Next Day

Shinji walked towards his new school with nothing but a pen in his pocket and his mind in his stomach.

'So……Hungry…Mind….Can't….Form……Sentence…..es…..'

Eventually Shinji neared the front of his school gates, but he began to hear that familiar ringing in his ear. (One attack later) Shouji pushed himself off from the ground. Shouji dusted himself up and reached into his pockets and pulled out his school I.D.

'Shinji Ikari…….One handsome guy though………Looks like a day of role-playing for me'

Shouji looked at the symbol on the prep-school I.D. and looked around. He then noticed a building with the same symbol right next to him, though the gate was a little ways away.

"Hmm, if life gives you lemons, shove the lemons right up its ass….or wherever its species traditionally crams things….."

Shouji clenched his fist and looked at the wall. He then reared back and sent his punch faster than you could say chupamaphablah. If one could slow down time, they could see the vortex that lined up with Shouji's punch and blasted a hole that shattered the wall into nothing but bits of carbon and matter.

As if nothing happened, Shouji proceeded to class unnoticed besides the fact that he was new and he piloted Unit 001. He got IM's from girls and guys and even teachers about what things were like and whatever, but how was he supposed to know? He never personally piloted the damn thing in the first place. Lunch concluded with a large crowd, phone numbers, ass kicking's, and several broken bones. The rest of the School period concluded with all but the ass kicking's.

After school Shouji was confronted by Toji, who was either pissed off with something about hi sister or the fact that their names sounded too much alike. He wasn't really paying attention until Toji grabed him by the collar and lifted off his feet.

"Tom, I'm te-"

"Toji"

"Mike. Anyway, I'm telling you now, If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you could ever imagine"

Toji reared back for a punch but Shinji launched a kick to his gut. Toji doubled over in pain. Shouji picked Toji up off the ground with by the hair and looked into his eyes.

"You just got yourself into some deep shit punk"

Shouji smashed Toji's face with his knee over and over until his fingers got tired. He lifted him up by the collar of his shirt and showed his bloodied and bruised face towards the crowd.

"A message to all of you who think you can beat me, guess what… What? Nobody can guess? Okay fine. If you mess with me, then you end up like this guy, Mike."

"I think his name is Toji"

"Who said that? Who said that?" the crowd became dead silent and moved aside to reveal a scrawny dorky looking boy.

"Hmmm" Shouji looked him one over and spotted a camcorder in his left hand.

"Did you get that on tape?"

"Huh?"

"Don't make me repeat myself. Did you get it or not?"

"I-I uh I…No?"

Well, that was the end of the lil one shot drabble that I just felt like writing!


End file.
